Finally, finally, One of my teachers figured out something was wrong. I’m not entirely sure how. I was trying really hard to act normal and not show how bad I felt. But they must have thought something was wrong, so they sent me to the nurse.
Ellen was doing stuff in her office, obviously not expecting me. She was very ingrained in whatever it was she was doing and didn’t notice when I walked in. I stood there for a moment, thinking.
I went to the nurse’s office. That’s all they told me to do. If I left before she noticed me, I would have gone to the nurse’s office, but not have to talk to Ellen.
But as I turned to leave, Ellen noticed that I was there and turned around.
“Joy! What’s wrong?” Ellen asked with concern.
I hopped up onto the bed. “I’m fine.”
“Then why are you here during classes?”
“Um…We are doing hearing tests apparently, and I was supposed to be first….” I trailed off. It was a lousy excuse, but I couldn’t think of anything better.”
“Oh, well, your teacher must be mistaken. No hearing tests today. But while you are here, how are you doing?”
“Good.” I fibbed.
“Are you getting enough rest?”
I know she was asking if multiple things, not just what she said, but also if I was caring about myself.
I tried to convince myself that because I was getting enough sleep, I wasn’t lying, but I knew I was, and that I should tell the truth, but I couldn’t do it. What would I even say. I wanted so badly for someone to know, but it would only make things worse. At least she didn’t know I was lying.
Looking back on that day, I realize that she probably knew I was lying, but decided that if I didn’t want to talk I wasn’t going to talk, and I’d talk when I was ready.
“Well then, I’d better get back to class.” I wanted to get out of there before she started asking questions I couldn’t answer.
“Yes, yes, you probably should. Have a good day Joy!”
And so I walked away.