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Joy’s Journal 2-19

The link to the last part

Finally, finally, One of my teachers figured out something was wrong. I’m not entirely sure how. I was trying really hard to act normal and not show how bad I felt. But they must have thought something was wrong, so they sent me to the nurse.  

Ellen

Ellen was doing stuff in her office, obviously not expecting me. She was very ingrained in whatever it was she was doing and didn’t notice when I walked in. I stood there for a moment, thinking.

I went to the nurse’s office. That’s all they told me to do. If I left before she noticed me, I would have gone to the nurse’s office, but not have to talk to Ellen.

Joy is talking to Ellen

But as I turned to leave, Ellen noticed that I was there and turned around.

“Joy! What’s wrong?” Ellen asked with concern. 

Joy and Ellen

I hopped up onto the bed. “I’m fine.”

“Then why are you here during classes?”

“Um…We are doing hearing tests apparently, and I was supposed to be first….” I trailed off. It was a lousy excuse, but I couldn’t think of anything better.”

“Oh, well, your teacher must be mistaken. No hearing tests today. But while you are here, how are you doing?”

“Good.” I fibbed.

“Are you getting enough rest?”

I know she was asking if multiple things, not just what she said, but also if I was caring about myself.

“Yes.”

I tried to convince myself that because I was getting enough sleep, I wasn’t lying, but I knew I was, and that I should tell the truth, but I couldn’t do it. What would I even say. I wanted so badly for someone to know, but it would only make things worse. At least she didn’t know I was lying.

Looking back on that day, I realize that she probably knew I was lying, but decided that if I didn’t want to talk I wasn’t going to talk, and I’d talk when I was ready.

“Well then, I’d better get back to class.” I wanted to get out of there before she started asking questions I couldn’t answer.

“Yes, yes, you probably should. Have a good day Joy!”

And so I walked away.

Lexie

Joy’s Journal 2-18

And I am back with another part to Joy’s Journal! Things are starting to get interesting now. (Sort of)

Anyway, here’sthe last part.

I felt really bad that morning. I really didn’t want to get out of bed that morning. Savana had left, but I stayed in bed.

Finally I realized that if I didn’t show up in the next few minutes people would start to wonder.

So I finally pulled myself out of bed and threw on a jacket over my pajamas.I dropped my shoe

I struggled to shove on a pair of shoes, being so frantic to get them on that I dropped them.

 Hair everywhere

I finally was ready, and hurried to class, but I was really late and they had started already.

I was late

“And tell me Miss Joy, why are you late today? Are you sick?”

“No Mrs Green.” I avoided looking at her. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. 

“So why are you late?” Her voice was gentle, but her eyes had a harsh glint.”

“I just overslept.”

“I’ll let you off with a warning today, but I’ll have to write you up if it happens again.” 

I was a few minutes later than everyone else to the rest of my classes, because I just didn’t have the energy to go fast. My classes seemed so far apart, like climbing a mountain, rather than walking to the other end of the hall.

Gym class is always hard, but that day was worse than usual because the teacher targeted me.

Explainy

We were working on cartwheels. I have no idea why the whole class needed to know how to do a cartwheel. Mrs Andy probably explained, but I wasn’t paying attention till I heard my name.

“Joy, will you show us a cartwheel?”

“I can’t do a cartwheel.” I whispered. Actually I probably could, but it had been so long, and I really didn’t have the energy.

“Come on now, don’t be shy.”

This is Joy

 I tried. I really did. But I didn’t have any energy, and just being in front of all those people freaked me out so much I could hardly function. 

Falling of course

And when I tried to do the actual cartwheel I fell down. Everyone laughed. Laying on the ground I wondered if I had to get up, or if I could just stay down there forever. I wouldn’t have to face everyone.

But I knew they were staring at me, so I got up.

Talking to them

And there was Savana and Callie. They had seen everything. Savana gave an apologetic smile, but I walked away. I was sure they were laughing at me too

Lexie

Joy’s Journal 2-17

I’ve procrastinated a lot, but I’m working on finishing Joy’s Journal. I have most of the pictures, which are old and not good quality, but I don’t have the stuff to take new ones, so I’m going to use these.

The parts will probably not be consistent, but here’s one.

If you have no idea what is happening, here’s the link to the series so far.

So I pretended that nothing was wrong and went to classes anyway, despite feeling so sick. My teachers didn’t notice that anything was wrong, but I was trying pretty hard to act normal.

The next day I felt worse, but I went to class again.

Every day I felt worse, and it got harder to function, but I pushed through it.

I knew that I should stay back from my classes and rest, but I was so scared.

I went to the classes, but I wasn’t really learning anything. I found it really hard to focus on what my teachers were saying, and I often went to bed before I finished much of my homework.

My grades went way down, but my teachers didn’t seem to notice.

Really no one seemed to notice how awful I felt.

 

One morning Savana was trying to wake me up, like always.

Savana waking joy up

“Hey sleepy head!” She teased. “Are you okay?”

The true answer was definitely not, but I couldn’t tell her that. “Nah, I’m just tired.” I told her with as much strength as I could muster.

“Do you want to go get ice cream with me and Callie after classes today?” Savana asked.

Joy and joy

I knew not going might show her that something was wrong, but I just couldn’t do it. “No thanks, not today.”

“Are you sure? We could bring you back some ice cream?”

“It’s okay. I’ve got homework to do.”

I never did end up finishing that night’s homework.

lexie-sign-off